I am an empath.
I’m discovering what that means for me, but the funny thing is that my closest friend is an empath and I knew it before she did. When I work with new clients, I often discover they are empathic and help them give the experience/perception a name and help them work with their empathic sense.
However, for myself it’s been an interesting discovery.
What is an empath?
Empaths are people who feel and sense what other people are feeling or experiencing. They will feel the emotions that other people have. They literally feel the emotion and very often have a corresponding sensation in their body.
Here’s an example: My friend has told stories of walking into a room after a meeting has taken place where two people are sitting waiting for the next meeting. She can tell from the ‘feeling’ in the room how the previous meeting went (it had been contentious). She can also sense from the two people in the room that while they are expressing concern and appear to be worried, they actually feel like everything will be fine.
Most empaths I’ve met don’t even realize they are empaths. They know they feel everything and many times don’t realize that not everyone feels as they do.
Also most empaths will automatically feel what someone else is feeling and then automatically, and often unconsciously, become or do exactly what the other person needs to feel better.
You’ll know you are working with an empath because they don’t just understand you but they somehow ‘get’ what you are feeling and after spending time with them you tend to feel better.
You’ll know you are an empath when you tend to know what someone else is feeling and you often feel a compulsion to help them feel better or ‘whole’. But at the end of a day or week of a lot of time engaging with people, you likely feel drained, exhausted, anxious for no reason or even slightly depressed.
Five years ago if you had told me I was an empath I would have denied it.
I simply did not feel what other people felt. In truth I intuited what they felt so it came through my mental body, not my emotional body.
About two or three years ago, I had people telling me that I was empathic. I kindly smiled and knew that what I felt from other people paled in comparison to what other emapths felt. So I still didn’t accept that I was an empath.
About a year ago, during a meditation program the guide very clearly talked and engaged with my as an empath. Partially through the program I explained that I understood what she meant about empaths, but really my felt experience was just nothing like what my empath friends experienced. Her answer: Oh you are very sensitive and feel it, you just have a very profound ability to distinguish between your stuff and others. And that opened up a whole new world for me.
I was able to understand what she said and it made sense to me in the felt experience of my awareness.
For those of you who do not know what I mean by the felt experience of my awareness, try this. Close your eyes and turn your attention to your body. Notice your body – the muscles, the bone, the skin. As you sit in your chair, your body has a physical felt experience of the chair. Now, turn your attention to the space just outside your body, right beyond your skin. Not necessarily the room, but the space just 6 or 12 inches around your body. When I turn my attention to that space it, like my physical body, has a felt experience of my surroundings – and if I pay really close attention, my physical body will feel or sense that space too. Empaths are always feeling that space, whether they know it or not.
So rather than intuitively understanding the guide (which for me is a way of knowing something without having the actual experience), I could feel or sense in my body that what she said was true for me.
So I’ve had about a year to really be aware of how I extend my empathic sense and I’d still say that compared to my high empath friends, my experience of sensing others or what is around me has been more like a faint, muffled sound. I have had a true hint of whatever someone else is feeling but only a hint – which I use as a guidepost and then use my intuition to give me a fuller understanding of what is going on.
Enter January 2013. OMG. The volume has been turned up.
The past few weeks have been interesting. Here’s one way to describe things: I’ve felt hopeful. And grouchy. Distracted. Unmotivated. Peaceful. Bruised in an anxious sort of way. Terribly humbled and shaken. So sleepy. Excited. Inspired.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d be confused and reeling by the extreme feelings and extreme changes that come about for no discernible reason. Maybe you’ve been feeling it too.
Last night I realized that all of this ‘feeling’ appears to be my body’s way of processing a more pronounced empathic sensing.
This month I started taking dance lessons – which I love. Last night I went to my dance lesson at Go Dance (they have a really great set up if you’re interested). I stayed around afterward to watch and enjoy the other private lessons. As I sat there, I felt more and more like I needed to leave and when I got in my car after 40 minutes of watching I literally felt bruised. The space around me felt bruised and my body felt that way too.
It took several hours for the feeling to dissipate. But I had time to reflect on what was going on. I was in a dance studio where hundreds of people come and go daily. There were probably 10 couples on the private lesson dance floor. There were probably another 60 or more people in the group classes. And I had been sitting there watching. Or so I thought.
Empaths don’t just watch anything. Empaths experience the energy around them.
Whether they understand it or can make meaning of it, they quite literally sense the energy around them. Whether they are engaging with a person or walking into an empty room, they will pick up on the emotions and energy of the person or place.
In the past, I really haven’t had to worry about this too much. Only when I concentrated or focused on the people in the room would I have a faint sense of the emotions and energies. And even then it would register as a mild unease or a desire to get away from crowds.
But after last night, I’m pretty clear that I’m going to have to be much more aware and conscious of myself and the people and places around me. I’m aware that the roller-coaster feelings I’ve had this last few weeks are coming from what I’m sensing around me.
Empaths will get what I’m saying. Non-empaths are probably still lost.
Here’s the best way I have to explain it to a non-empath. It’s a bit like going to a country where you don’t know the language. Everywhere around you there are people speaking and you can hear everything but none of it makes any sense. You may have the ability to block out the voices, but you will still hear them even if they don’t make sense.
An empath senses everything around them, even if it doesn’t make any sense. And some are able to block it out but it doesn’t mean that they are not sensing it in their energy or body.
The biggest difference between the two is that you could find a teacher who could teach you the language and it would make sense and have meaning for you and you could then use your new language in helpful ways.
As empaths, we don’t have that teacher; we don’t have the common meanings; and many of us attempt to learn by trial and error how these senses can be used in helpful ways, rather than having them be an obstacle or hardship. The even bigger challenge is that most people don’t even know about empathic sensing, empaths, or their experience of the world.
It’s time for me to amp up my own personal lessons in discernment and meaning as an empath.
So, here’s what I’ll be doing to help me as I move through my heightened sensing and super-saturated emotional world:
- Every morning I’ll be intentionally grounding and clearing my energy so I start off the day with only my energy affecting me.
- I’ll be shielding. Some people will need to consciously close their chakras as well, and I may need to as well, but I’ll be paying attention.
- Before I head into a meeting with one or more people, I set the intention to have my energy stay with me and not take on other people’s energy.
- I’ll carefully plan and determine where I meet with people based on how the space feels.
- For large group activities ( like networking or social events) I’ll be very discerning about what value they have for me before deciding to go. And if I do go to a large group activity, I’ll spend extra time before and after clearing, grounding and shielding.
I’d love to hear how you have learned to manage as an empath so please share in the comments below. And if you are not an empath, please share your questions or observations – because they really do help all of us.
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For a limited time in early 2013 I’ll be offering single meeting sessions (rather than monthly engagements) specifically aimed at helping you discover and clarify your pure potential. It’s powerful work and an excellent way to hear what your Soul is calling you to express. Learn more here.
Thank you for this timely post Judith. I was experiencing completely overwhelming emotion this afternoon after a 1:1 session and it hadn’t dawned on me to ground or do a clearing. I feel better already. The emotion didn’t belong to me, but it sure felt like it. Thank you so much for the reminder.
p.s. asking the question, “Is this my emotion?” helps me. Certainly it is sometimes. The grief, pain, sadness and joy. But when it isn’t, and I’m confused by it, asking the question is often enough to let it dissipate from my body.
Very good question. Is this mine? I’m so glad you found some relief!
Hello Judith,
Wow! What a wonderfully well written explanation of being an empath. I have been a tutor for my clients with this exact understanding for the last few weeks. I got knocked around recently… felling very much like when the Star Ship Enterprise enters a new atmosphere by surprise and gets All Shaken Up! Then it just takes a few minutes to regroup, and some real trouble shooting then begins. That was my 4 day weekend.
I’d love to learn more about your teachings as well as let you know about mine. Be in touch at your leisure.
I am a transformational teacher of Self Mastery- The Gentle Way. I am looking forward to hearing more from you.
Many blessings,
Valerie
Valerie, it’s great to meet someone else working with empaths. I’ll send you an email to see when we can connect.
I am also an empath. As a child, as soon as I entered a room I knew who was experiencing difficulties. I would always approach them and carefully make remarks that I believed would help them feel better. When I speak with others, I feel their emotion in my body before it even rises to the surface of their awareness.
If my mood changes quickly, I check in to see if it is actually my mood or if I am picking up someone else’s. I prefer to avoid crowds. Unfortunately, being an empath can lead to a lot of unconscious self-sacrifice. I tended to put other’s needs first as I had so much understanding of how they were feeling. So, for me, feeling myself as a separate person and offering my presence without having to do anything for the other has been instrumental for me.
Patti, this is all so true for me too. Although if I did feel other people’s feelings when I was a child, I don’t remember. Thanks for sharing your growth awareness.
Judith! Thank You! I knew I was sensitive and never liked big crowds and always felt the need to recharge the battery after a day with people but I had no idea I was an empath! In fact, I’ve never encountered the term! This has been quite a revelation and i can’t wait to learn more!
Hi Judith, I finally accepted I was an empath about three years ago. My nick name was always “prickly pear” because my friends thought I needed to wear a prickly suit to protect me from being too much of a sponge! I am a yogini and muse for creative spiritual women who have become detached form their bodies (usually form feeling too much!) and also a healing practitioner.
I must say, I don’t clear EVER. I align, but I don’t clear. I find that if I ground into earth and spirit and my higher self, I can feel into the people around me in a very grounded space. I didn’t consciously think about it until your article in fact, only that “protective measures” feel odd to me. I would say that becoming ritualistic about my self care and self love has made the single biggest impact in my life. As I commit to filling myself up and connecting intimately with myself, I KNOW what is mine and not mine so much more and am able to release more easily. It’s always a practice though….I find I just listen more now than I ever have. Thanks for the lovely article.
Monica,
I know what you mean about not clearing or not using protective energies. I recently had a friend who was talking about the same – but I find that the concept of being open and allowing that which is not yours to flow through you is a bit harder for many.
I appreciate you bringing it up though. I may need to give some thought to writing about the concept.
Thanks for sharing,
j
Dear Judith – this has been extremely helpful (to me) this week. I have also passed to another friend (UK) who has been like-wise struggling with differing energy levels. It all makes perfect sense now. I have several – profound – experiences to share with you which have occurred during my life and this article has certainly assisted making more sense of those, and given me some inner peace. Thank you very much. Love this work!
I always attributed my ability to perceive the emotions and moods of those around me as simply paying close unconscious attention to subtle facial, expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. I believed that my sensitivity to these signals came to be as a result of growing up in a violent environment where being sensitive to such things was a necessity for self preservation. I thought that it was common and that I was just like any other sensitive person. Over time I’ve come to believe it’s more than that. It’s both a gift and a curse. Being able to connect with others on such a deep personal level and offer kindness, compassion and understanding is more meaningful and beautiful than words can describe. The other side is experiencing being completely overwhelmed by the anxiety pain and suffering of the world around me. It can take me to a very sad and lonely place. Unfortunately when this happens I tend to numb myself with alcohol. It’s sad that I know of no other way to get tgrough these occasional difficult times but I am not ashamed. It’s been the “medicine” that has allowed me to live a happy, normal, productive life. Without the ability to numb myself when I need to I might not be here today. I wish I had a more positive coping mechanism, and I’ve searched, but I’ve not found one.
James,
You can’t imagine how profoundly your comment has impacted me. Or maybe you can sense it.
The response I have to offer is a whole post in itself. I hope to get it up later today or tomorrow.
I’ll let you know when it’s done.
Thanks so much for sharing,
j
Thank you.
I look forward to reading it.
James – I finally got it up. I’d love to hear what you think.
http://www.solelymanriquez.com/7-lessons-for-coping-as-an-empath/
Fantastic post Judith! My daughter and I are both very empathic and I have been aware of this for a very long time. I love the simplicity of your post and was able to share it with my husband who just doesn’t understand us. I do feel fortunate to be more empathic as it certainly does help me understand situations and people easily. I would like to be able to shut it off when around those Negative Nellies though.
Christine, This is wonderful to hear. Oh and I love that you have the language to share with your daughter. It’s so amazing when we can know what is going on for our children.
Hope it helps your husband,
j
Hi Judith,
I’m finally fully realizing I am an undeveloped empath. I’ve recently connected with another empath who happens to be my yoga teacher and is very strong energeticlly. We had lunch the other day and had some pretty intense (fun, good, safe) connections. When I told her I thought I was a bit of an empath, I was blown away when I looked up at her and her eyes gotten larger, round and had turned a kinof golden brown with a little white and black swirl. Plus they were kindof swirling in circles. It felt totally fine, but intensly scruitenizing and such a focus of pure energy right at me! I wasn’t sure she knew what I saw, so I just didn’t say anything…or need to(?)
Anyway, I am a lesbian and have had a crush on her for a little while. I’m still not ready to let myself believe the connecting we did had a mutual sexual componant. It’s is hard for me to tell if it is was just me.
I want to be respectful of her and our teacher/pupil relationship. I want to not gush sexual energy at her if I am missreading her. However, I don’t want to shut down…we both got so much out of connecting.
Any advise would be appreciated
Michelle
Michelle,
Whether you’re an empath or not, or lesbian or not, this would warrant a conversation. Simply because we might, as empaths, pick up on someone else’s emotional vibrations doesn’t excuse us from the responsibility of a conversation. What we perceive will be filtered through us and our own life experiences. There is so much more at play than what we perceive in a given moment – our background, assumptions, and beliefs – as well as theirs.
So, I’d encourage you to talk it out.
j